Nyanja

My story feedback

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Hi guys I've finally posted up chapter 1 for my story! Before attacking me with your feedback, please make sure to review these rules here:

  • My Grammar sucks: Some people may know this about me but grammar was never my strong points however, I enjoy writing but I've always been nervous with posting up my stories because of my horrible grammar. Despite English being my main language, I've always seemed to have struggled with it back in my school life. I've went through a lot of shit back then too. (If you want more information about that PM me.) I don't mind the feedback for them but just try not to bite my ass over it.
  • There might be a few loop wholes in this story. As I've mentioned above I'm doing whatever I can to fix the missing pieces of the story.
  • I make a lot of typos and re-reading is a pain in the neck! I do need to re-read more often however you might see me re-edit my story here and there to fix my spelling errors.
  • I love you guys and I sure hope you enjoy the story and the characters!



You can find a link to my story in this section here [click]

I hope you guys enjoy the story!

Updated 04-01-2018 at 03:10 AM by Nyanja

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My story feedback

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  1. Smiles's Avatar
    HAYYY you posted your first chapter and I'm SO psyched about it!! Your artwork is really beautiful, and I'm stellar enthused by the prospect of the upcoming comic!

    Overall, I adored this first chapter - we got a crisp insight to this fantastic and hilarious world! You do an incredible job of balancing the serious (the missing and immense loss of two family members) with the humor (is this Danny Phantom?! I died lmao)! Being able to tone-switch like that is a really rare skill I think, because it's usually jarring to the readers, but you do it in such a way that it doesn't disrupt our processing of what's happening in the moment! It also firmly captures the whimsical nature of our main character, who's deeply driven to find out more about these mysteries and these events! We get a bit of a window into the main character's personality, and it makes me really excited to learn more about our others, too!

    The ghost concept is SO cool ;; Ghostie is a little cutie, and honestly I can't wait to see what these two get themselves into! I have nothing more helpful to say currently lol, but great first introduction! I can't wait to read more!
  2. Nyanja's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Smiles
    HAYYY you posted your first chapter and I'm SO psyched about it!! Your artwork is really beautiful, and I'm stellar enthused by the prospect of the upcoming comic!

    Overall, I adored this first chapter - we got a crisp insight to this fantastic and hilarious world! You do an incredible job of balancing the serious (the missing and immense loss of two family members) with the humor (is this Danny Phantom?! I died lmao)! Being able to tone-switch like that is a really rare skill I think, because it's usually jarring to the readers, but you do it in such a way that it doesn't disrupt our processing of what's happening in the moment! It also firmly captures the whimsical nature of our main character, who's deeply driven to find out more about these mysteries and these events! We get a bit of a window into the main character's personality, and it makes me really excited to learn more about our others, too!

    The ghost concept is SO cool ;; Ghostie is a little cutie, and honestly I can't wait to see what these two get themselves into! I have nothing more helpful to say currently lol, but great first introduction! I can't wait to read more!
    Thank you so much for the feedback <3 I enjoy making readers smile whenever I write my story or roleplay. The comment about it being a rare trait made me blush and boosted my confidence which is something I need in general. I'm so glad your enjoying it <3

    I'm on page 4 on chapter 2 at the moment. You guys get to know a bit more about Oliver and his new comrade!

    On a side note I'm at the fighting scene from chapter 1 in my comic right now. It'll take me some time before posting it on the site. I want to at least finish chapter 1 before posting it so I'll keep you guys up to date.
  3. Nyanja's Avatar
    I'm going to make this the main feedback section so here we go! Okay guys here is chapter 2 and man it was a struggle. I apologize if this seemed rather rushed. I've been working on this since I've finished chapter 1. It's been a pain in the ass! The chapter is about Oliver going on a mission with his new friend Amour. You can read it here [click].
  4. Smiles's Avatar
    YESSSSS chapter two!! I finally got a chance to just sit down and read it and I'm SO pleased! The opening paragraph was hilarious lmao - the whole "I did a barrel roll" and "they gave me a fucking rifle" shenanigans had me dying. I love how that first paragraph really sets the tone of the whole chapter - it really is an adventure, filled with humorous content and the prospect of something new.

    And that something new - AMOUR! oh my gracious I love him!! he would be playing guitar hero all night, and even though this is my first chapter reading him, I feel comfortable saying that and I think there's something special happening when you, as the author, can make your audience feel so familiar with your characters like that! KEEP ROCKING IT I love him and Oliver!

    Oliver also has a very pleasing, and very charming, narrative voice. The action and sequences flow seamlessly with the way he directs our eye to what's going on. You do an impeccable job of interspersing the humor, which is hard to do! The dialogue is also super realistic and fluid! Oliver cracks me up too - "Lord have mercy on my soul." SAME. The ending quote from him is also perfect!!

    CAN'T WAIT FOR CHAPTER THREE with these vibrant and pure souls ;;;;;
  5. Nyanja's Avatar
    Chapter 3 is ready for feedback! I enjoyed writing this chapter. It was nice and relaxing after dealing with some madness with chapter 2. Chapter 4 is on it's way and with a new dream idea to be thrown at this story, my muse is ready in action!